Stuck.

Today my title is not the title of a song. I am stuck. So as I listen to Mumford & Sons on my computer I am going to type.

I don't have any followers other then my best friend. And for some reason myself...but for anyone who happens to stumble some how upon this blog, then I understand what you may think. I am confusing. I have many feelings and they switch from good to bad everyday. That is how I am though. I am stuck.

Today I am more fearful then fearless. But I can not put my finger on why. I am getting my annual sinus infection...but that isn't it. I should be at school but instead I wanted to come home...partly I had to because my pump ran out of insulin. I feel like I am stuck because I am frustrated. Always frustrated at the world, someone, something. I have so many things I want to do but I never move forward with my dreams or wants. I am stuck and I feel as though I will be everyday until hopefully one day I will just realize...who I am meant to be...what I am meant to be doing. Typing out my feelings into this blog is probably confusing to whoever is reading this. But to me it helps....it helps get my confusion and frustration out. I can't say all of this out loud to someone...so I type it and read it in my head to myself.

Throughout the past few weeks I have grown tired and weak. I had a doctors appointment for my diabetes a few days ago. Basically I had to get my act together or I wasn't going to have a long life at all. The day after that my grandpa left to go back to Florida. Who knows when I am going to see him again.

So to get myself out of feeling stuck. I came home from school to be productive...starting with this. Moving on to cleaning my room. Was it the right choice to leave school though? I miss a lot as it is. But that is the thing about life. I fear that in choosing between two things...important or small. You are always going to have regret about what you didn't choose. So I feel like if I hadn't chose to come home. I would have been stuck at school feeling gross and sick and have a wandering mind.

Today I had too many thoughts in my head to be at school. But it's school...grades. Soon my stuck will become frustrated and regret. But I suppose it is just one of those days that you have to feel something like this. It will pass. I will have a more fearless day soon.